Love

Does love exist when we care for each other? Or when we laugh at our silly jokes? Or when we hold hands  as we sleep?

Does it exist when we are within each other’s reach? Or when we kiss each other out of the blue? Or when our minds get stuck thinking about us?

Does it exist when I give my shoulder when you’re half-asleep? Or when I carry you all the way when you just can’t make the road anymore? Or when I speak of you always, not from my lips, but rather from my heart?

Love does exist, and it will be for the rest of our lives. And love is more than that… we are born to love, not just to live. Love is everywhere, even before everywhere reaches my feet. For where my feet stand I wouldn’t know, if it leads to you I will forever show…

Love can be simple and yet get so complicated, but with you in it, I will never take it for granted….

Love will be absent sometimes or will be present forever….

We will never know when the arrows of Love will hit us…

But one thing remains true, need I say more…

That LOVE already exists the very moment I looked in your eyes…..

 

/2004

 

ANG GAMOT SA NAGDURUGONG PUSO

I really don’t know how did I come up with this… eh una sa lahat wala naman ako prob sa lablayp…. pero wala lang… kahit sabihin kong masaya ako… parang di pa rin ako mapalagay na nakikita at naririnig na sa mundong ito, may mga nasasaktan pa rin… at ang masakit pa nun… ang iba dun ang mga kaibigan ko. I’ve been hurt so many times na in my life na, minsan pa nga.. mismong kakain ako ng big mac eh tetext ako ng gf ko na pagalit.. ayun… sira na na naman ang araw ko.. naalala ko pa nung highschool ko.. naku, ang babae para sakin ay parang ginto, hindi lang dahil sa special sila but because ang hirap talaga nila hanapin! Nahanap mo nga… wala naman gusto sayo, ang masama pa nun, paminsan eh mapagtitripan ka lang.. kunwari crush din, flirt ka pa, sa huli… pagtatawanan ka lang nila.. masakit ba? Oo masakit yun.. nangyari na rin sa akin maraming beses na yun eh.. pakshet.. naalala ko pa nun, my heart was soft and innocent back then, umibig ako sa isang babaeng waring langit kumpara sa aking lupa lamang. Maganda siya, as in. pero ang ugali…. oks lang, nung panahon na yun naman sa sobrang desperado ko na magka gf eh kahit ano na lang basta babae e puede na. Ayun, sinaktan nya ako.. pinaasa.. kunwari pa gusto ako kausap sa phone yun pala tiniis lang ako… ang sama nya. Pero kundi dahil sa kanya, cguro di ako matututong kumausap ng girls ngayon.
Ung mga iba ko namang kaibigan, mas matindi pa ang storya…. pinagpalit daw sila sa iba… kunwari sila ang liligawan, pero yung nag lakad pa sa kanila ang siyang nakatuluyan ng lalaki…. hanubayun! Whatta sawi moment na maituturing…. pero I made her realize na love is unfair talaga.. lalo na pag ikaw ang nadehado. parang naging survival of the fittest na nga ang nangyayari ngayon sa pag ibig eh… ung tipong pag maganda ka, gwapo ang makakatuluyan mo, at kapag pangit ka, laking tsamba lang pag may hitsura pa ang napili mo. Eh ako naman di ganun kagwapuhan, di rin cute, minsan lang masabihan na may hitsura, eh di rin pinaligtas ng pag ibig.. haay… puro peklat na tlga tong puso ko…. dahil na rin cguro sa mga sugat noon. Ilang taon din akong nagtiis na walang minahal…..or should I say walang nagmamahal sakin. Those were the worst period of my life. Yung tipong mahal ko lang ang sarili ko dahil no choice eh.. wala naman nagmamahal sakin, wala nga nagkakagusto sa’kin.. san pa ako?
But as they always say…. In every cloud, there’s a silver lining. Oo tama, dahil sa mga panahong hirap ako sa labylayp.. natutunan ko na rin ang mag survive sa hirap at sakit na dulot ng pag ibig. Nandyan ung aliwin ang sarili sa barkada, pagbabad sa bilyaran o sa computer, pag aliw sa sarili ng ilang oras sa chat… o kaya’y ubusin ng husto ang laman ng ref mo, at sa mga babae naman, eh mag pa parlor, punta sa bahay ng bespren… lahat na para lang makalimutan ang mapait na nakaraan. So ano nga ba talaga ang mga gamot sa nagdurugong puso?

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE, BUT ON HOW YOU THINK. Kahit libutin mo na ang buong Luzon para kalimutan siya, kung hindi pa rin magbabago ang mindset mo about love.. Sorry dude. WA EPEK… as in wala.. blanko… void…. null… empty set… zero percent… kapos… mintis… airball…. eh bakit? Material pleasures can’t compensate the pain that your heart received….. and pag ang heart eh nasaktan.. apektado na rin malamang ang utak.. coz they are in mutual status… masaktan ang isa…. masasaktan na rin ang kabila. Try changing your mindset….. kung baga sa computer e kung panay palpak ang ginagawa ng hardware mo, at nagtataka ka kung bakit nakailang palit ka na eh sa karton pa rin ang ending nya, eh baka sa software na mismo ang problema, diba? Kung na basted ka ng babaeng mahal mo….. drinking every night and bar hopping won’t do you good, tsaka gastos lang yan. Lying in your bed the whole night and roll there like a lumpia won’t help yah ease the pain. Kung ikaw ay kasama sa isang church org eh lam mo na kaagad ang unang gagawin…. PRAY. Kahit gaano ka pa ka demonyo eh sa simbahan pa rin ang tuloy mo dude. Totoo yun. Find a time alone na pupunta ka one day sa church, kausapin mo si Lord na parang kabarkada mo lang cya.. Talk to him as if kausap mo ang pinaka close na tao sa buhay mo… You know what, Lord God can touch the hardest hearts and the vainest minds. He did that to me and I’m sure magagawa din nya sa inyo yun. Sa mga iniwanan ng kanilang bf/gf eh wag na wag kayo manonood ng mga movies na may IWANAN na tema.. Its like jumping into a quicksand… lalo nyo lang nilubog ang sarili nyo.. sa mga nagsesenti naman… o cge oks lang yan… kasi ako rin ganun e.. d ba nga ang music is the choir of your heart? kahit ga BALDE na ang luha mo kaiiyak sa tune ng One last Cry ni Brian mcKnight eh oks lang un… kahit in reality hindi.
Try straightening your goals, point of view, or belief. Ano ba tlga ang gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo? Sa lablayp mo? Siya ba talaga ang mahal mo? Kung siya talaga at di ka nya mahal, is it necessary ba talaga na dapat maging kayo para sumaya ka? Unconditional ba talaga ang love mo for him? Eh bakit naghahanap ka ng kapalit na pagmamahal? Bakit ka nasasaktan pag nalaman mong di ka pala mahal? Ano ba tlga ang definition mo ng loving someone? Bukal ba sa loob mo na masaya ka for her kahit hindi ikaw ang reason ng kanyang happiness? May umiibig bang hindi nabibigo? Pwede ka bang magmahal na hindi nasasaktan? Anong gusto mo, magmahal na masaktan, o hindi mahalin? You see, asking yourself these questions might straighten those curly love lashes of yours. Don’t think of your inferiority, yung tipong kesyo pangit ka, may pimples ka, kulang ka sa height, kulang sa pera…. Kasi if the girl or guy dumped you dahil lang sa kakulangan mo sa pisikal na bagay, eh hindi tlga siya deserving na mahalin.. pramis. Ibang tao lang talaga ang bagay para sa kanila. Ikaw ba ung tipong tao na nakikita ang love in a black and white scale? Well…its now the right moment to realize na ang love have gray spots in it.. na hindi lahat ng tama ay tama at di lahat ng mali ay mali. Being not open to these gray spots would spell disaster sa inyong “Getting over” na stage… ano ba talaga tong gray spots na to? Yung tipong persons tend to fall out of love… hindi sa nagsasawa pero bigla na lang nila nalalaman na hindi na pala nila mahal ung gf/bf nila.. there’s nothing really wrong about it ( sa isang side).. kasi ganun talaga… di naman din nya sinadya na mahalin ka eh.. eh malamang di rin nya sadya ang mawala ang love nya… tamang isipin natin na love is a feeling… but it is not a decision… the decision part comes only when it concerns MAINTAINING the love… so as long as there’s a feeling of love.. may decision kang i-maintain un…. but yun nga.. WHAT’S THE POINT OF MAINTAINING SOMETHING NA WALA NA TALAGA? Eh kung wala nang love… eh wala na talaga. Kung tumagal man kayo, baka awa na lang ang nararamdaman niya to you. That’s why it is important na ma clarify mo ang sarili mo sa mga ganitong gray spots….
Wala kang gelplen or boyplen……. SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? sa unang tingin nakakainggit.. kasi nga may ka holding hands sila.. may natatawagan para mag gudnyt at i love you at kung anong klaseng paglalambing…. pero kung tutuusin… may kanya kanyang advantage at disadvantage ang pagiging single. One of the disadvantages nga eh ung nabanggit earlier in this paragraph. Ang advantage? You can take care of yourself, or pag nag-aaral ka pa eh you can concentrate on your thesis… or masusunod mo na lahat ng luho mo, damit, kotse, etc. Magagawa mo rin ang di mo magagawa pag meron kayong ka relasyon, tama ba ako? So dont tell me na hindi ka masaya dahil lang sa wala kang gf/bf…. ang dami pang single jan, and karamihan sa kanila eh masaya din sa buhay nila… believe me. Pero we should also take into consideration na masarap din ang feeling ng naaalagaan.. at minamahal diba? Well… that’s were appreciating what your friends do to you comes into play. Friends or peers will always be there.. ung mga ka barkada mong iniwan mo sa ere para lang dumamubs sa yong girl eh babalik at babalikan mo rin bandang huli…. although hindi talaga healty na sabihing ” Haaay sakit lang sa ulo yang mga lalaki” or “Gastos lang ang alam ng mga babaeng yan”…. we should be fair…. ganun talaga… some will win.. some will lose. There’s no point getting lost in ur life… nakagawa man sila ng mali… sila na ang bahala dun.. they only gave you the opportunity to react… but not the specific reaction. Kung nasaktan man tayo, hindi na nila problema yun,problema na natin yun. Pag ikaw ba eh nagmukmok sa isang sulok dahil sa ginawa nya eh iiyak ba siya? Hindi. Sa huli ikaw ang kawawa.
After a break up….. act and look better. Sa unang rinig eh parang ang hangin ng dating… but the fact is… kailangan mo talaga gawin to. Why? Imagine you just had a break up with your gf or bf.. tapos magpapaka awa effect ka to her… papasuin mo ang sarili mo ng yosi or maglalasing every night or magpupuyat hanggat sa magkaron ka na ng eye bags… tapos bigla ka nakita ng ex mo… ano na lang ang sasabihn ng ex mo? Kung balikan ka nun eh wag ka na rin matuwa kasi for sure malaki ang probablity nun eh naawa lang cya sayo. Stand tall and proud. Hello?!?!??! Sino ba cya? As if mamamatay ka pag nawala cya, oo mahal mo cya…. pero kailangan naman mahalin mo rin ang saril mo, a man who can’t love himself cannot trully love others.. look better not in a way na makakabingwit ka uli ng mga guys pero in a way na hindi ka tlga magmukhang talunan. And besides, pag nagkita kayo, make him/her tell to him/her self… ” Gosh!! Yan ba ung iniwanan ko? How can I let her slip away from me?” O diba? Kasi kung mukha ka na talaga losyang o dugyot after your break up eh baka lalo lang niya naisip na tama ang naging break up niyo. Explore your world….. kahit mahal natin ang isang tao… we can’t away from the fact na kailangan nating maging exposed… diba? It’s like a butterfly in a bottle of mayonnaise.. di makawala… di makita ng ibang tao ang kanyang kakayahan at kagandahan…. and even worse baka mamatay pa yun,d b? Sa mga probs na ganyan… alcohols and cigarettes don’t work. Harapin mo na agad ang reality na nangyayari ang mga ganung bagay na hindi natin gusto. Pagsubok lang yan… hindi pa yan kamatayan. Funny coz lagi na lang sinasabi satin na The Lord God won’t give us problems na hndi natin masosolve… pero still parang nagbibingi-bingian pa rin tayo…. natatakot pa rin tayo…
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Ano ba talaga ang goal mo? Ang magmahal o magkaron ng gf/bf? If you chose the latter, hindi ka tlga magiging happy…. Stop looking for love.. Start being lovable. Open your heart to pains.. coz with pain comes happiness…. happiness na hindi kaagad nahahanap.. coz it slowly integrates from those little things that you do for love. Wear a smiling face always…. but don’t smile alone… baliw ang tawag dun. What I mean is people tend to get close to those whom they know na masaya and maganda ang mindset. Stop talking and thinking about failures and pains…. coz what you think would most likely attract you.
But as always, its easier said than done…. tulad ko… ang dali kong sabihin to kasi I’m not in a not-so-nice situation.. pero natutunan ko tong mga to from my experience na rin eh… hindi naman talaga madali… pero hindi rin talaga mahirap. It’s all in the mind and the heart. Kahit ano pang gawin sayo ng pag ibig….. always open your heart…. dapat laging alive…. because you cannot love with a dead heart. Don’t ever tell yourself na ikaw ang pinakakawawang nilalang sa pag-ibig…. pano na lang ang mga taong namatayan…. mas masakit un diba? Nagkataon lang talaga na iba iba tayo ng problema….
Once again, its all in the mind and the heart… nothing else

//originally posted 2002//

On Top Of Your Work

Prioritize your loved ones over work. Give them the attention that they deserve and the quality time that they need to build a long-lasting relationship.

Even the simplest morning wake-up call must not be taken for granted. This little act of love means a lot to your special someone, starting their day with a bedroom voice and a mesmerizing smile.

Come lunch time, a small note saying “Don’t forget your lunch, eat well” is far way better than his/her Blueberry Cheesecake for dessert. Even a sweet nothing can mean everything.

As you both find your way home, a quick reminder on taking care of yourselves will definitely give you that atmosphere of love, protection, and security. Yes,while it’s true that you can handle themselves as individuals, it is still important that you feel pampered like a child.

Constant attention. We all need that. A text message left unreplied is an unreturned attention to the other. This might be petty by nature, but we always thrive from the small things aren’t we?

Loving someone isn’t just about the gifts and the dates. It’s also about making the effort to go the extra mile in strengthening your communication– a communication which serves as your lifeline no matter how far you are from each other, be it inches or miles away.

So, how have you called him/her up now? 🙂 Don’t waste a second when it comes to love.

Headsets

Headsets. You’ll see everyone wearing it. Every soul confined to its own music, its own style, and its own world. I have observed that people seemed to be a little more efficient in their work if they wear one– and for a good reason. With your headsets on, it’s just you and your task; you and your music. People around you may shout and alarms may give way, and you will still go on with your thing. Amazing.

 I got headsets in the office and at home. It helped me a lot focus on my tasks in hand and make my day a bit better through feel good music. At work, my colleagues would rather NOT disturb me with non-sense if they see me wearing it. It’s either I’m not in the mood or I need to finish a ton full of workload on a limited amount of time.

 When you think about it, we can put those headsets every time we need to get out of unnecessary rumors and noisy ranting that you used to live with. I can attest to that. With people who just can’t stop talking shit about you, back and forth, side to side, you name it — they friggin’ talked about it already. People who just can’t seem to figure out the obvious– that you don’t give a shit about them anymore and you are so better off with better things (if not better friends 😛 ). Really. Are you willing to descend a level lower with them to hear what they have to say? Sometimes you just can’t afford to do so… not with your busy schedule and the bright future ahead of you.

 Put your headsets on. They can nag you, psyche you up (or at least they thought so :P), backstab you tremendously (they don’t get paid for that though, lol), or even create false (sometimes crazy) stories about you… but it all goes to thin air if you got your music playing. I am not suggesting having a deaf ear from constructive criticism, but you know what’s sensible and what’s mind-blowingly inappropriate for you.

 There are some who will talk to you face-to-face if they really mean it. You have to admire them, because they are the type that mend relationships and heal wounds. So if some are just so contented in talking smack at your back… you know they’re so out of your league. And so they think they’re cool and all shit. They may even say that “if you’re not with us then you’re an outcast”. Well BOO wh. Since you know you’re better compared to them, you just deserve a better group of friends. It may surprise you that the good ones are just around, ready to welcome you with open arms. You have a good future then.

 This is the headset that filters out all the negativities the society can throw to you. This will spare you some of the heartaches, controversies, conspiracies and bullshit that you don’t need at times. This will help you focus on your thing — studies, work, hobbies, etc. This will bring out the best in you, make you dance with your favorite music. This will make you sing at the top of your lungs and never ever mind the people around you.

 As the saleslady from Funan says, “Wear it, and you’ll see the difference.”